Deviation Actions
Literature Text
August 20, 2015:
So I didn't write it down last time, but I was considering suicide. I had it all figured out how I would do it and everything. Get myself a balloon and fill it with butane. Then breathe that in. Quick, painless, clean, and almost 100 percent effective. Obviously I didn't but I came really close. The only reason I didn't is because I had some help. Danielle started texting me partway through writing what I thought would be my last journal entry and I couldn't just stop texting her once I more or less suggested what I may have done. She could've gotten worried and sent the ambulance to my house and ruined my plans. So I kept talking. Ha! I just reread my conversation with her and it's pretty pathetic for an anti-suicide conversation. I don't even think she really knew what I was considering. I just thought that my texts had to have conveyed as much emotion as I felt. Not even close. It could totally have been just a conversation between 2 friends at the mall. Doesn't matter. It worked. I'm not nearly as depressed as I was. I kinda came to terms with the idea that I would hurt more people killing myself than struggling through. I told Dani later what the real problem was and that helped. She basically proved that someone would notice if I died. I think she may have a crush on me. She texts and snapchats me quite a bit. I hate to say this, but the feeling isn't mutual. I have no problem being good friends, but no more than that. I have more I want to say, but I'm to tired. I'll finish tomorrow, I promise.
